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The Walmart Rules
Brought to you by The TVA Show
Lets face it...you go to Walmart. Oh sure, you have a slick "anti corporation" rant ready should you see those elitist friends of yours, but you go...and you love it.
We here at The TVA Show know that the real fun of Walmart is the consumers of Walmart. But did you know that there are rules to being a customer?
If they got by you, no worries, we have you covered.
Presenting: The Walmart Customer Rules.
1)all children must be accompanied by an adult and should only be brought between the hours of 10pm and 3 am
Infants only.
Please make sure they're unrested, loud and wearing diapers with a NASCAR logo that turns bright if they've soiled themselves
Please leave all diapers in your car. Toilet covers available if needed.
2)all guests with carts will only use buggies with squeaky wheels and travel in the center of the isle going against customer traffic.
If you need something on an isle more than two lanes away please leave your cart in front of a popular item like coffee, making sure to block access for no more than thirty minutes.
3) After 8 pm nightwear and lingerie are totally acceptable if you plan to fornicate in isles of non frozen items.
4) All white men over the age of 47 will wear t shirts one size below their body type. This will continue our biological study of belly exposure in l.e.d. lighting
5) Women 26 and younger are required to wear 48 hours worth of facial makeup.
If your eyebrows do not meet the standard requirement we have check points to apply the appropriate amounts for you. Levels that meet our standards of eye brow appliance are verified by achieving the following looks. Shocked, mortified, scared for your life and Joan rivers.
6) Conversely women 30 and over will not wear make up of any type.
Please remove all hair product and keep in hair tied with appropriate sweat stains.
Women may wear any variety of shirts ranging from too big to bed sheet and require a minimum of one overt sexual suggestion on all shirts ranging from three x and above.
For example : a four x shirt may have the slogan "my kitty may be hairy but at least it's smooth when wet"
7) All cd and radio appliances must be tested by turning on no less than three receivers to full blast, all on different stations.
We allow a ten minute window for Clodhopping.
8) All yo boys (also known as wiggers in the 90's) will congregate and walk in troops of no less than three to a unit.
The accumulated income of this faction will be 5 thousand dollars a year and requires that one person from the faction have a rap crew written on the back of a knock off jacket.
All participants must have threatening tattoos that say "Thug Life" paid for with their girl friends income and live at home with an alcoholic mother.
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